| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
Karazorel
just AWESOME
Joined: 13 Dec 2007
Posts: 459
Location: Krypton
|
 Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:58 pm Post subject: Learn to speak woman |
 |
|
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
Ok boys, I'm risking my life and my membership in the royal order sharing this but I feel that if you knew this you'd have a better chance of surviving. So here goes:
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before doing what we want you to do.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! For the love of all that is good do not do it!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
( Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F ** YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
Use this knowledge wisely my children.
_________________
 It's not easy being me but I make it look damn good. |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
Mike
Bad Friend Mike
Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 1187
Location: On the edge!
|
| Posted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 11:59 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Where were these back when I needed them (and/or cared).
On a brighter note... I'm gonna take Dave to get them tatted onto the inside of his eyelids.
Good find Kara
_________________
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Dave
Draw'er
Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 2398
Location: Behind a desk.
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 12:10 am Post subject: |
|
|
"A man cannot win an argument against a woman, we're handicapped. See, we have this innate need to make sense." -Chris Rock
And no need, Mike. This is EXACTLY one of the reasons why women say I'm too dangerous to let live. Blessing/Curse of being raised around women.
_________________
"Addiction can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be changed."
-Clango, Diesel Sweeties
===
I (heart) Hanners of Questionable Content. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Mike
Bad Friend Mike
Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 1187
Location: On the edge!
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 12:11 am Post subject: |
|
|
Now I must teach you to embrace and abuse your power!
_________________
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Dave
Draw'er
Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 2398
Location: Behind a desk.
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 1:37 am Post subject: |
|
|
... wait... if I accept your teachings, is there some sorta requirement to attach the title of "Darth" to my name?
_________________
"Addiction can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be changed."
-Clango, Diesel Sweeties
===
I (heart) Hanners of Questionable Content. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
madcatmonkey
=^-^=
Joined: 19 Nov 2007
Posts: 381
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 2:23 am Post subject: |
|
|
Man, sometimes even *I* don't understand Women. I wonder if I'm secretly some kind of alien hybrid that doesn't think the way Earth Women do. O_o
Or is there a universal rule that "You cannot understand the gender you are attracted to," which is why I don't understand either Women or Men (at least the average/stereotypical ones)? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
yino
Squishian Prime
Joined: 29 Nov 2007
Posts: 452
Location: Somewhere in Chile
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 5:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I think this just Murphy's law applied to relations
It's not that you can't understand the other gender, is that you can't understand to the members of the other (or the same) gender that have your emotional interest.
Anyway, Kara's gentle donation is pure gold. Thanks.
_________________
"just imagine a good signature, and then put it here" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
trebuchet
Intellectual Siege Engine
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 888
Location: Huntington Beach, California
|
| Posted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 9:30 pm Post subject: Re: Learn to speak woman |
|
|
| Karazorel wrote: | 9 WORDS WOMEN USE
Ok boys, I'm risking my life and my membership in the royal order sharing this but I feel that if you knew this you'd have a better chance of surviving. So here goes:
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before doing what we want you to do.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! For the love of all that is good do not do it!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').
( Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F ** YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
Use this knowledge wisely my children. |
Ha ha, very amusing. Allow me to retort:
Fine: a woman rating 9.5 or above on the Hottness Scale
Five Minutes: as in, "You've got 5 minutes to get your shit and get the fuck out, you lying whore-bitch."
Nothing: the opposite of something as in a woman has nothing meaningful to say
Go Ahead: the usual imperative given to a woman who's on her knees; other forms acceptable as well: "any time now" or "like you've never done this before"
Loud Sigh: the sound heard from the vaginal cavity when an enormous penis makes entry; usually caused by the exodus of trapped air within said cavity; sometimes sounds like excessive flatulence
That's Okay: because you knew the whole time that it wasn't the lying bitch's first time but went along with it anyway - another notch is still another notch on the proverbial belt
Thanks: words you'll never hear from a woman because, let's face it, they're ungrateful as all hell
Whatever: the appropriate response when a woman says, "I've never done this before." See also go ahead
Don't worry about it, I got it: something a man usually says to a woman because, let's be honest here, if you can't open a jar by yourself how can you not call yourself the weaker sex. 
_________________
Conan! What is best in life?
To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
jynexia
Resident Forum Girl
Joined: 12 Jan 2007
Posts: 961
Location: Hells kitchen
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:22 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Paul better not come over until i forget this because it is my duty as a woman of this world to kick your ass for that. (Hilarious as it was).
Kara is forgiven because life would be much easier if man knew the instructions before hand and you didn't have to spend the first three months of a relationship training them and the rest of your life reminding them how to do it right.
_________________
~jynx~
I need to go to my Happy place, but I accidentally blew it up, so now I have to find a new one... |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Mike
Bad Friend Mike
Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 1187
Location: On the edge!
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:26 pm Post subject: |
|
|
If by right you mean wrong but only right because the whole "Lesser sex" thing makes you irrational and not logical.
_________________
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Dave
Draw'er
Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 2398
Location: Behind a desk.
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:27 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yeah. It'd be a real shame if women just told us in plain English (or Spanish, Japanese, or whatever your native tongue may be) what they actually mean at any given time.
Now, if you'll excuse, I believe I hear the rallying cry of women outside the office. It'd be poor for my health to stick around.
_________________
"Addiction can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be changed."
-Clango, Diesel Sweeties
===
I (heart) Hanners of Questionable Content. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Mike
Bad Friend Mike
Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 1187
Location: On the edge!
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:29 pm Post subject: |
|
|
OH GOD THEY'RE ON THE SAME CYCLE!
Dave, we have to beat the crimson wave the fuck outta here!
DIVE DIVE DIVE!
_________________
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Dave
Draw'er
Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 2398
Location: Behind a desk.
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Get the windows, I'm locking the doors. Wait, where's George?
George?
GEORGE!
*distant muffled cry is heard*
Oh no...
_________________
"Addiction can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only be changed."
-Clango, Diesel Sweeties
===
I (heart) Hanners of Questionable Content. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
Mike
Bad Friend Mike
Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 1187
Location: On the edge!
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:35 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I hear... I hear buzzing...
Wait it's coming into focus...
Oh... oh no...
Dave I hear nagging. THEY'RE SAYING WE CAN'T WATCH THE SUPERBOWL BECAUSE WE HAVE TO GO VISIT THEIR MOTHERS... ALL OF THEIR MOTHERS!
_________________
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
yino
Squishian Prime
Joined: 29 Nov 2007
Posts: 452
Location: Somewhere in Chile
|
| Posted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:35 pm Post subject: |
|
|
RUN YOU FOOLS!!!
_________________
"just imagine a good signature, and then put it here" |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
