Retro Gaming

[Kodi]

This probably doesn't belong here; this isn't leet speek and it isn't a preview or a new release, but theres no other gaming sections!

Anyway, welcome to the RETRO GAMING thread made by me mostly for my own pleasure. This is where I pick out and ramble about -old- games, not necissarily classics, but Odd, interesting, and/or worth a play in my opinion. Feel free to add on your own suggestions. And yes I'm big into retro gaming... all this new fangled gaming just confuses and scares me sometimes.

Anyway, On with the show!

The first game I'm going to talk about is Mendel Palace. What is that you say? Never heard of Mendel Palace? I'm not surprised. Released for the NES way back when I was incapable of coherant memory, I played this game on my nanny's eldest son's NES. And it was... interesting. It was innovative. It was creative. It had men in speedos. Need I say more?

In Mendel Palace you take on the role of... some odd random boy whose goal is to set out to rescue... some odd random girl who has been kidnapped by her favorite dolls. Or not. I'm not entirely sure. There certainly isn't much exposition on the plot, and the story is sadly lacking which isn't too surprising given the time of release and the nature of the game. The game for the most part takes place on a 7x5 grid of tiles which is the playing area and, incidently, our Hero's weapon of choice.

Since these are dolls we're dealing with here, obviously weapons such as guns and knives and explosives will not do. I mean, in what movie of animated dolls have any of those things ever really worked? No, our Hero has only one attack and one attack he does well. He flips tiles. He kicks his foot out at the edge and with a mighty grunt, flips the bastard over, sending anyone standing on it flying away, to be dashed on any imaginary walls or bricks or whatever else is around that needs dashing. But enough about our hero. He's fairly bland compared to the cast of villains we're dealing with.

In a very megaman-esque fashion, each set of evil dolls may be challenged in any order. You could choose to test yourself against the powerful sumo wrestlers! Or perhaps you'd like to challenge the mohawk sporting jumpers? Or maybe... you'd like to kill the baby dolls! Or the artist dolls...? You could always set out to destroy the girl scout dolls... How about the ballarina dolls? Aliens? Or the... speedo clad swimmer dolls? What? Yes your enemies are very far from your standard ninjas and robots here. But don't underestimate them, they each have their own cunning and dastardly method of squishing you like a bug, and their stages are often created just to capitalize on that fact. Except the aliens. They are wusses. However, you may learn to fear the charge of a speedo brigade.

At any rate, this would all be well and good, except that it gets worse! Or maybe it gets better... As you flip tiles in an attempt to kill your opponent, you might reveal different tiles underneath each tile. Sun tiles which flip the entire board at once, bonus point tiles, monster summoning hypnotic tiles, or the dreaded bolted down steel tile, which will be forever stuck once revealed. In such a way, an innocent board with one doll could be filled with a plethora of hidden sun tiles and summon tiles which may turn a simple squish job into just about everything -and- the kitchen sink. Yes, its that evil.

And to top it off... much like a cherry on a sundae, the boss fights are fantastic. They're one of the few boss fights I genuinely look forward to with glee, and am sad when they're over. The boss herself is a fairly boring looking doll, but that magic wand of hers... Woo! If any of the starry hearty love shaped blasts touch your hero, Bam! You turn into one of the villains you've just been fighting! This opens up an entire -world- of possibilities with each villain, as suddenly the tables are turned and you have to figure out how to use your speedo/loincloth/beret clad self to squish a virtual clone of your regular form.

Anyway, I recommend it. If you can get your hands on a completely legal and legitimate copy, do it, it may not be the best game ever, but its a memorable experience.

-Kodi
_________________
The bright red swamp dragon explodes in a violent inferno of fire and dragon bits.
You manage to leap for cover.
The bright red swamp dragon dealt the death blow to Sergeant Detritus.

[Kodi]

I'm going to begin my next feature with a direct transcription of the opening lines of the game "Totally Rad".

"And now, The Great Zebediah, Master Magician!"

Jake: "Most Excellent Dude!"

Allison: "So like, Jake, is this Zeb dude for real? Will he teach you his totally rad magic?"

Jake: "Yup. He thinks I have gnarly potential. And I think he's totally decent."

Totally Decent is a good way to describe "Totally Rad" actually.

Never mind that the story is birthed from the womb of some coke induced child-molesting aerobics crazed 80's elemental. The brief clips of story can easily be skipped and ignored as they have no actual correlation or importance to game play.

The graphics are pretty good, again outside of the story clips, which go from comical to hideous faster than you have time to brace yourself. The backgrounds are nicely detailed and colorful, if somewhat repetitive. The music is decent as well, although some of the songs in the later stages sound like they were directly ripped off... if you hear them you'll know what I mean.


The gameplay is a linear action/platformer as well, which is staple for the era. Our hero, Jake, runs, jumps (well, flips) and shoots wierd energy bolts from his fists. These energy bolts can be charged for more damage and the ability to pass through enemies. Interestingly, these energy bolts can be fired while in mid flip (take -that- akuma!), but apparently the kid can't hold a charge while jumping. Oh well.

But the most interesting part of gameplay is when you hit the select button and access all of your spells. Yes, you get them all from the get go, and each spell has a somewhat distinct power. To use a spell takes a little work, as the control is an unintuitive up+A, but you can heal yourself for half a bar, or for a full bar, stop time, become untouchable for 5 seconds, or clear the screen using fire, water, wind or big rocks (its all just about as effective either way).

Or! you can move your little cursor over to the -special- section, where you get to transform your short shorts, denim vest wearing ass into something -totally radical-. Like a cat girl who is invincible while jumping and shoots what may be mistaken for electricity but is most likely silly string from her fingers. Or a bird winged power ranger looking guy who can fly and throws sticks at things. Or the obligatory fish guy whose only useful in swimming levels.

The monster designs range from the bland and mediocre (see: all of level 1) to the truely wierd (the boss of the second level is what appears to be a punk rock cob of corn who seems to have no real attack apart from stepping on you, until you hit him and he unleases his POP CORN FURY.

This game is fun for a while, mostly while you play around with all the spells and discover the first stage is as easy as turning into the flying power ranger and hitting jump alot. The ability to heal yourself or clear the screen is a welcome ability, but sadly only accessible when in your fashion deprived afro form (it took me so long to realize that one of the transformations was a high top sneaker representing your normal form, instead of this wierd amorphous smiling blob) meaning that you'll switch back to your regular form briefly to heal or during boss fights, when the healing abilities are most useful and the other forms abilities aren't.

I have to give this game some kudo's though. I can't think of another NES game where a clearly male character has the ability to change into a girl. Except maybe Crystalis, but that's the next review.

-Kodi
_________________
The bright red swamp dragon explodes in a violent inferno of fire and dragon bits.
You manage to leap for cover.
The bright red swamp dragon dealt the death blow to Sergeant Detritus.